Would you like shorter meetings? If so, cut yourself off. Too often we go on and on thinking the more information we give, the more the person will understand or want. (more…)

I phoned my friend to wish her happy anniversary. Instead of being able to go out and celebrate she will visit her mother-in-law who has been in the hospital for over 10 days and is now waiting fora placement into an Assisted Daily Living facility. After checking in on her MIL (mother in law) she will find out what room her mother is in as she was rushed to the hospital this morning too. The only bring spot is they are both in the same hospital, which is a blessing in our city of over a million.

Then I chatted with another friend who just got home from picking up some groceries for her parents. Her mom wasn’t up to going and her dad was having ‘a quiet day.’  This friend had planned to stop in and see her son and wife and new baby however she was too tired and was heading home.

We are the sandwich generation. Both my in-laws have passed away in the past 18 months and my own parents have their ups and downs.

We all talk about how we want to help, the guilt we feel when we make a choice to take a break for a day or two and what can we do to make their lives and our own better. There seem to be no easy answers and sometimes it makes one think about our own aging and what plans we can or should make. Plans need to be made and often before we think we need to!

What has been your experience? Any tips?

I had an interesting chat with Erica Jefferson, host of Be Inspired,  in mid June about the power of words in communication. Do you listen to what you are saying to yourself? Are you striving for perfection, when good enough is good enough? As the summer winds up, you might like to hear a portion of the interview.

Just click on the following link:

Joan on Be Inspired radio show June 16, 2011

I want to thank Erica Jefferson for having me on her radio show – Be Inspired.

When I hear clients recounting negative interactions with others I often say, when in doubt, say nothing. When upset it is best to listen and before answering or commenting, think before you speak. As many before have said, “you can’t regret something you haven’t said.”  When you do speak, think about your body language, your tone and then the actual words.

Saying ‘should have’, ‘can’t because’ you never’ or ‘you always’ will lead you down a path that is not good for your soul or your career. Each day we make a choice about how we will communicate. Only you have that power. Use it wisely.

Remember what Abraham Lincoln said, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

Doesn’t it drive you crazy when people won’t give you a direct answer? People who use noncommittal language such as ‘perhaps’, ‘maybe’ or ‘sometime’ are often avoiding being honest. For the receiver of the message you don’t get closure or direction. What can you do? Try phrases like “When you say ‘maybe’ what exactly do you mean?”  They may hedge so ask another more specific question like, ” What conditions would need to be met for you to be able to say yes?”  or “When you say ‘perhaps’ you are telling me you haven’t come to a decision yet.  Am I correct?” Then  you could say ” When will you be ready to decide?” or “What will it take for you to decide?” Then stop talking, look the person in the eye and wait for an answer.

The most difficult part is to wait for an answer. Sometimes if the person says “I don’t know” you can look at them and say “what would the answer be if you did know?” Your face must match your concern for an honest answer. While not perfect, I’ve tried this and it often works. Good luck!

I am preparing a hand-out for a talk I’m giving and decided to put together my favourite ice breakers. They are large and small group activities that promote fun-learning. Some help listening skills, how it feels when change happens and ways to find common ground with a group. Here is an easy one. If you would like the hand-out please subscribe to my newsletter and I’ll be happy to send them out.

June 2011

Communicating with elderly parents or chronically ill partners is tricky. We have history, an already established pecking order and all of a sudden what has been a comfortable relationship becomes increasingly uncomfortable. We are no longer cared for, we become the caregiver. We have to make unpopular decisions. As one of my friends said, “Now, when I leave my parents I either feel guilty or upset.”

A caregiver is a family member or friend who provides unpaid care for a loved one living with challenges due to disability, illness, or aging. The Canadian Caregiver Coalition estimates there are 4.5 million caregivers today. (more…)

We spent Sunday evening in Emergency with my mother-in-law. It is a true window on being able to study people’s behaviour while under stress.  As patients lined up to speak to the triage nurse it was interesting to watch the interactions and see the reactions.

Some people were impatient and rude. Others were quiet and others were loud. The staff handled them all with patience and kindness. Once in the place to see a doctor I could listen in on the conversations and again I noticed which people really listened to what the doctors were asking and who just wanted to tell their story.

It appeared to me that the patients who listened, answered honestly and politely, had the doctor’s attention longer. Also when the nurses went in to attend to them, the interactions were much more pleasant and more time was spent.

It became evident that no matter how stressful a situation, if people try to put themselves in the shoes of others, their interactions and connections are much more positive.

Choose your favorite title from my updated Keynote Topic List and let me know why, in the comment section. (Look at the bar above this BLOG and go to Services)  I will put everyone’s name in a toque (it’s still snowy here) and pick one. You will win an autographed copy my latest book, Got It!

I was listening to a CD by Sam Horn, America’s Intrigue Expert, from her excellent program called Become One-Of A -Kind In-Demand Speaker and I began to think about titles in a new way. Let me know what you think. You may become a winner!