Archive for the ‘Difficult People’ Category

I Got It! #22 Are You a Tired, Frustrated Family Cargiver?

Thursday, June 2nd, 2011

June 2011

Communicating with elderly parents or chronically ill partners is tricky. We have history, an already established pecking order and all of a sudden what has been a comfortable relationship becomes increasingly uncomfortable. We are no longer cared for, we become the caregiver. We have to make unpopular decisions. As one of my friends said, “Now, when I leave my parents I either feel guilty or upset.”

A caregiver is a family member or friend who provides unpaid care for a loved one living with challenges due to disability, illness, or aging. The Canadian Caregiver Coalition estimates there are 4.5 million caregivers today. (more…)

I Got It! #21 Want To Heal A Broken Relationship?

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011

We spent Sunday evening in Emergency with my mother-in-law. It is a true window on being able to study people’s behaviour while under stress.  As patients lined up to speak to the triage nurse it was interesting to watch the interactions and see the reactions.

Some people were impatient and rude. Others were quiet and others were loud. The staff handled them all with patience and kindness. Once in the place to see a doctor I could listen in on the conversations and again I noticed which people really listened to what the doctors were asking and who just wanted to tell their story.

It appeared to me that the patients who listened, answered honestly and politely, had the doctor’s attention longer. Also when the nurses went in to attend to them, the interactions were much more pleasant and more time was spent.

It became evident that no matter how stressful a situation, if people try to put themselves in the shoes of others, their interactions and connections are much more positive.


I Got It! #16 Want Help For Dealing With Difficult People Who Block?

Thursday, March 31st, 2011

Do you work with someone who will not accept a new idea? Do they have rigid opinions? Here are a couple of phrases to try:

  1. Agree with part of what they say, “Joan you are correct.  We have done it another way.  I’m anxious not to throw out what works. What I am anxious to do it think about efficiency and profitability so that we can survive and still all have jobs. Joan wouldn’t you agree that it is time to let this go and move on?”
  2. Look at what comes next. ” Joan, look at it from the companies point of view. What are two important things to consider as we institute this new approach?

You want to respect the past yet take the best into the future.

I Got It! #15 Why Do Bad Things Happen – Reframe!

Friday, March 25th, 2011

One of my favourite coaching clients recently lamented “Why do these things always happen to me?” We both smiled and she said “Okay I know you are going to tell me to “reframe and carry on.” Bad things happen to us all and we are the only ones who can say “this too shall pass,” or “in the scheme of things will it matter in 5 minutes or 5 months.” “I must simply build a bridge and get over it. ”


I Got It! #13 Looking for Ways to Lower Stress, Save Time and Improve Relationships?

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

Writing Got It! 21 Tips Communication Tips for Busy People and seeing it to completion takes patience – never one of my strong points. I like to do things quickly and move to the next. To think that at the end of August I had the book complete and 7 months later, it is finally out. I wasn’t sitting still during that time. It will soon be on Amazon and in the Kindle format.

There was lots to do. A group of my friends read the book and gave feedback, then there was editing, rewriting, approvals, checking and rechecking. Thinking about the cover design and title and working with a designer was interesting.  Then approving what words would go on the back cover, looking at the lay out and where there needed to be text breaks all took time and careful thought.

Plus because this is a joint venture I was working with a fantastic team at Strategic Book Group so again, others with much more knowledge in many of these areas than I have were part of the decisions. I enjoyed the fact we were a team and I had others working with me. My last book was self-published so I was on my own and the first book I wrote was with a publisher and I had very little control so this has been a new experience.

I still haven’t held Got It! in my hand. I can’t wait. Soon, very soon.

I Got It! #12 Want to Increase Health and Work Performance?

Sunday, February 20th, 2011

Unless you let people know that specific actions or words are upsetting you, they might never know. Our self talk can poison our hearts and heads and impair our work. When I am coaching, people will often tell me about hurts that were inflicted days,weeks or even years ago. I will ask, “does this person know you were upset?” Often the answer is “I would if I were them!” That’s not good enough.

The truth is that often someone has said or done something and your interpretation is quite different than what they meant.  They may have thought they were supporting you, or giving you some help or guidance and you have taken it to mean something different. You might have interpreted it that they didn’t think you were capable of specific work or they were showing you how much better they are than you.

If you were to stop and ask them, “why did you step in and help,” the answer may be surprising. They may have thought you were asking for help and so to support you they helped.  Too often we jump to a negative conclusion and then are upset about something that the other person hasn’t even thought about.

Another client told me her boss was mad at her and she didn’t know why. I asked how she knew and her answer was, “she doesn’t stop by anymore.”  I suggested she make an appointment with her boss and ask if everything was going okay.  She did and found out her boss thought she was so capable that she was letting her carry on with out interference.

So before you begin to stress about a situation, ask for clarification. Be honest and direct. Your life will be much better. If there is an issue you can fix it. Stop inflicting the present with yesterday’s pain.

I Got It! #11 Did Your Know Negativity in the Workplace Costs Millions?

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

If  you think ignoring negative Nellie or negative Nathan will make them go away, think again! Many negative people don’t even realize they are negative and they can suck the life out of you.

While we are all negative sometimes, there are people who have made it their life’s work. If you are a manager you must confront this behaviour because negativity can cost your organization millions, if not billions, of dollars each year. It can lead to increased turnover, customer complaints, errors, accidents, and illness.


I Got It! #8 Would Your Like to Lower your Employee Turnover and Increase Sales?

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

If you haven’t read The Power of Nice, it is time to pick up a copy. Authors, Linda Kapan Thaler and Robin Koval have put together a compelling case on how to lower your employee turnover, get a higher productivity level from employees and be healthier, live longer and make more money. What do you have to do? Be nice!

This is a practical book filled with real-life examples that set out a plan for how you can incorporate ‘nice’ into  your daily life. There are also references to research that illustrate that nice people often finish first.

Nice doesn’t mean being wimpy and they even say ‘nice’ is the toughest four letter word you’ll ever encounter. With only 120 pages, you can read it in one sitting and leave with some practical tips to use right away.

From thinking about your body language to using your power as a listener, The Power of Nice is a must read for every leader and employee.

On your next holiday, tuck this little book into the beach bag. Not taking a holiday? The power of nice must start with you being nice to you!

What great book have you read lately? I’d love to hear.

I Got It! #5 Would You Like to Find Balance in Your Work And Home?

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

Sometimes as we think back on our past work week we begin to beat ourselves up over what did not accomplish. That nasty little voice in our head says “why couldn’t you get it all done?” or “if you just used your time more wisely you would have been successful.”

Are you asking too much of yourself? Where is your time being spent?

The value of any work week is based on two things:

  1. what we accomplished
  2. what we have learned (more…)

I Got It! #3 Does Kindness Make a Difference?

Friday, March 5th, 2010

As I watched the movie, The Blind Side, it made me think about how being kind and compassionate to others, even when it is difficult,  pays you back over and over. The Blind Side is based on the true story of Michael Oher, a homeless and traumatized boy, who became an all American football player and first round NFL draft pick with the help of a caring, spit fire woman and her family.

At first the ‘foster’ relationship is informal however as time progresses each family member’s life is enriched because of their interaction with Michael. Michael had endured so much as a child and yet remained kind and focused. How? His mother, who was a drug addict,  had told him to shut his eyes and not see the bad stuff and know that every day, from that moment on would be better, and to not ever to look back.