Writing Got It! 21 Tips Communication Tips for Busy People and seeing it to completion takes patience – never one of my strong points. I like to do things quickly and move to the next. To think that at the end of August I had the book complete and 7 months later, it is finally out. I wasn’t sitting still during that time. It will soon be on Amazon and in the Kindle format.

There was lots to do. A group of my friends read the book and gave feedback, then there was editing, rewriting, approvals, checking and rechecking. Thinking about the cover design and title and working with a designer was interesting.  Then approving what words would go on the back cover, looking at the lay out and where there needed to be text breaks all took time and careful thought.

Plus because this is a joint venture I was working with a fantastic team at Strategic Book Group so again, others with much more knowledge in many of these areas than I have were part of the decisions. I enjoyed the fact we were a team and I had others working with me. My last book was self-published so I was on my own and the first book I wrote was with a publisher and I had very little control so this has been a new experience.

I still haven’t held Got It! in my hand. I can’t wait. Soon, very soon.

Unless you let people know that specific actions or words are upsetting you, they might never know. Our self talk can poison our hearts and heads and impair our work. When I am coaching, people will often tell me about hurts that were inflicted days,weeks or even years ago. I will ask, “does this person know you were upset?” Often the answer is “I would if I were them!” That’s not good enough.

The truth is that often someone has said or done something and your interpretation is quite different than what they meant.  They may have thought they were supporting you, or giving you some help or guidance and you have taken it to mean something different. You might have interpreted it that they didn’t think you were capable of specific work or they were showing you how much better they are than you.

If you were to stop and ask them, “why did you step in and help,” the answer may be surprising. They may have thought you were asking for help and so to support you they helped.  Too often we jump to a negative conclusion and then are upset about something that the other person hasn’t even thought about.

Another client told me her boss was mad at her and she didn’t know why. I asked how she knew and her answer was, “she doesn’t stop by anymore.”  I suggested she make an appointment with her boss and ask if everything was going okay.  She did and found out her boss thought she was so capable that she was letting her carry on with out interference.

So before you begin to stress about a situation, ask for clarification. Be honest and direct. Your life will be much better. If there is an issue you can fix it. Stop inflicting the present with yesterday’s pain.

If  you think ignoring negative Nellie or negative Nathan will make them go away, think again! Many negative people don’t even realize they are negative and they can suck the life out of you.

While we are all negative sometimes, there are people who have made it their life’s work. If you are a manager you must confront this behaviour because negativity can cost your organization millions, if not billions, of dollars each year. It can lead to increased turnover, customer complaints, errors, accidents, and illness.

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People often say they wish they could do something. Instead of wishing, why not make a plan and get at it? I have been working on a book about communications for the past two years. At various times I would devote two or three days and then life would get in the way. “The book” sat in a folder, often calling to me, however, it seemed all I could do was pick it up, read through what I had written and then I put it down again. I never got at it.

Finally I decided that I was constantly being distracted by “The Book.” It was like a virus, slowing me down because it was occupying a larger and larger part of my mind. I couldn’t get rid of it. So in June I put away most other things and devoted time to see it to completion. What a relief to finally put to paper what was circling in my head.

I hired one of my favourite editors to help me out and together we have created a product I’m proud of. Now the difficult process of finding a publisher begins. If I had continued to ignore the negative self-talk of “I should” or “I wish” I think my productive time would continue in a downward spiral. Now that I have that job completed, I am ready to tackle the next challenge.

How did I do it? Simple. I said to myself “If not now, then when?” Each Monday I wrote goals for the week. I make sure they are attainable and have a time limit. I even add in a time for relaxation which I never used to do. While I’m not always successful in completing what I set, at least I have goals and writing them down helps to keep me focused. When something new appears, I am better able to make a decision as to what I tackle and what I can add to next week’s sheet.

Is something occupying valuable space in your mind? Instead of stewing about it, and saying nasty things to yourself, make a plan right now. Yes right now! Say “If not now, then when?” and get to work. Ask yourself, What can you do about it? How? When? And get at it! It worked for me.

What projects do you have to complete? Let me know how you are doing.

I have often wondered why some friends simply disappear when someone close becomes terminally ill or dies. Most will tell you later they didn’t know what to say, so they did nothing. Or it made them so upset they didn’t want to upset you more.

I know when people are uncomfortable and don’t know what to say, later they have enormous guilt. First of all  death is part of the life journey and you are going to have to face it over and over, the longer you live. To hide from it, only makes you feel worse and your friend feels abandoned.

There are two excellent books, written by Canadian authors to help you.  Final Journeys by Maggie Callanon, a hospice nurse, gives help for the person dying as well as caregivers, family and friends.  The other book is called Final Gifts and is by Maggie Callanon and Patricia Kelley.

Both books are filled with practical advice that will help you whether you have just learned someone is going to die or you are still experiencing grief because someone has already left you. The information is not sugar-coated, it is real and written in a caring, compassionate way.

You might think such books will make you feel worse if you are just going through or been through a death. I certainly did not find this to be true. Instead I felt comforted, some questions I had were answered and I felt better equipped to handle my emotions as well as those around me.

If you feel like you need or will need some support in your communication when you learn someone is terminally ill or has passed away, these two books will help you. Both books tell true stories and are packed with tips on what to do and say so you never again will abandon a friend in need.

I highly recommend both books.

If you haven’t read The Power of Nice, it is time to pick up a copy. Authors, Linda Kapan Thaler and Robin Koval have put together a compelling case on how to lower your employee turnover, get a higher productivity level from employees and be healthier, live longer and make more money. What do you have to do? Be nice!

This is a practical book filled with real-life examples that set out a plan for how you can incorporate ‘nice’ into  your daily life. There are also references to research that illustrate that nice people often finish first.

Nice doesn’t mean being wimpy and they even say ‘nice’ is the toughest four letter word you’ll ever encounter. With only 120 pages, you can read it in one sitting and leave with some practical tips to use right away.

From thinking about your body language to using your power as a listener, The Power of Nice is a must read for every leader and employee.

On your next holiday, tuck this little book into the beach bag. Not taking a holiday? The power of nice must start with you being nice to you!

What great book have you read lately? I’d love to hear.

I finally decided to take me own advice and prioritize my “things to do list” and give myself time to ask, ‘is there a better or different way to do this?’ For 34 years I have hosted my mother-in-law’s birthday party. I love to entertain and cook and today is her 82 birthday.

Friday I did a half day workshop and tomorrow I am leaving to do two days of presentations in Toronto. I love to do workshops and seminars. Preparation takes time and after it takes me at least one day to re-energize and get ready for whatever is going on next.

In the old days I would have ‘done it all’ most likely at my own expense. Not so today. Saturday I did some work in our yard and went to spend time with our grandsons. Today I made time to go to church. In the old days I would not have taken any ‘me’ time.

Just because ‘you’ve always done it that way’ doesn’t mean it works for you now. Make a quick list of everything you have planned for tomorrow. Is there a way to create some time for reflection, exercise and laughter? What can you do differently and still attain the same results?

I do a 1.5 hour workshop called “Finding Balance in Off-Balance” times – over the past year I have begun to incorporate the 7 step program into my daily life. It is making a positive difference.

How do you find balance? I’d love to hear.

Sometimes as we think back on our past work week we begin to beat ourselves up over what did not accomplish. That nasty little voice in our head says “why couldn’t you get it all done?” or “if you just used your time more wisely you would have been successful.”

Are you asking too much of yourself? Where is your time being spent?

The value of any work week is based on two things:

1. what we accomplished
2. what we have learned (more…)

We all worry about things we can not control and when I step away from a worry I have, I think what a waste of time. I should focus on what I can control and rid myself of things I can not. For the past week I have a new technique to rid myself of worry.

When I catch myself worrying about something I replace the word worry with wonder. I say to myself  “I wonder about…” instead of “I worry about.” I want to eliminate the word “worry” from my self-talk vocabulary.

What I find this does is to refocus me into an action-type scenario instead of being stuck with a worry looping over and over in my head.  Now when a wonder  pops into my head,  I ask myself “can I do anything about this?” or “can it or will it change?” and if my answer is no I will say to myself “get out of my head” and the focus on and enjoy what is happening at that exact moment.

It is funny what a difference one word can make. I think I am much more efficient with my time and my outlook seems brighter.

What are your techniques for handling worry?

As I watched the movie, The Blind Side, it made me think about how being kind and compassionate to others, even when it is difficult,  pays you back over and over. The Blind Side is based on the true story of Michael Oher, a homeless and traumatized boy, who became an all American football player and first round NFL draft pick with the help of a caring, spit fire woman and her family.

At first the ‘foster’ relationship is informal however as time progresses each family member’s life is enriched because of their interaction with Michael. Michael had endured so much as a child and yet remained kind and focused. How? His mother, who was a drug addict,  had told him to shut his eyes and not see the bad stuff and know that every day, from that moment on would be better, and to not ever to look back.

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