People often say they wish they could do something. Instead of wishing, why not make a plan and get at it? I have been working on a book about communications for the past two years. At various times I would devote two or three days and then life would get in the way. “The book” sat in a folder, often calling to me, however, it seemed all I could do was pick it up, read through what I had written and then I put it down again. I never got at it.

Finally I decided that I was constantly being distracted by “The Book.” It was like a virus, slowing me down because it was occupying a larger and larger part of my mind. I couldn’t get rid of it. So in June I put away most other things and devoted time to see it to completion. What a relief to finally put to paper what was circling in my head.

I hired one of my favourite editors to help me out and together we have created a product I’m proud of. Now the difficult process of finding a publisher begins. If I had continued to ignore the negative self-talk of “I should” or “I wish” I think my productive time would continue in a downward spiral. Now that I have that job completed, I am ready to tackle the next challenge.

How did I do it? Simple. I said to myself “If not now, then when?” Each Monday I wrote goals for the week. I make sure they are attainable and have a time limit. I even add in a time for relaxation which I never used to do. While I’m not always successful in completing what I set, at least I have goals and writing them down helps to keep me focused. When something new appears, I am better able to make a decision as to what I tackle and what I can add to next week’s sheet.

Is something occupying valuable space in your mind? Instead of stewing about it, and saying nasty things to yourself, make a plan right now. Yes right now! Say “If not now, then when?” and get to work. Ask yourself, What can you do about it? How? When? And get at it! It worked for me.

What projects do you have to complete? Let me know how you are doing.

I have often wondered why some friends simply disappear when someone close becomes terminally ill or dies. Most will tell you later they didn’t know what to say, so they did nothing. Or it made them so upset they didn’t want to upset you more.

I know when people are uncomfortable and don’t know what to say, later they have enormous guilt. First of all  death is part of the life journey and you are going to have to face it over and over, the longer you live. To hide from it, only makes you feel worse and your friend feels abandoned.

There are two excellent books, written by Canadian authors to help you.  Final Journeys by Maggie Callanon, a hospice nurse, gives help for the person dying as well as caregivers, family and friends.  The other book is called Final Gifts and is by Maggie Callanon and Patricia Kelley.

Both books are filled with practical advice that will help you whether you have just learned someone is going to die or you are still experiencing grief because someone has already left you. The information is not sugar-coated, it is real and written in a caring, compassionate way.

You might think such books will make you feel worse if you are just going through or been through a death. I certainly did not find this to be true. Instead I felt comforted, some questions I had were answered and I felt better equipped to handle my emotions as well as those around me.

If you feel like you need or will need some support in your communication when you learn someone is terminally ill or has passed away, these two books will help you. Both books tell true stories and are packed with tips on what to do and say so you never again will abandon a friend in need.

I highly recommend both books.

Before your next difficult conversation it might be a good idea to have a  laugh. Laughter is a great stress reliever. When under stress we will often interpret neutral comments as criticism and our short-term memory is impaired because our brains are overloaded.

How do you rid yourself of stress? Physical exercise has always been the answer and now according to Dr. Lee Berk at the University of Loma Linda in California, the body’s response to laughter is similar to the effect of a repetitive exercise.  He found that a belly laugh is equivalent to  “internal jogging” and laughter can provide good cardiac conditioning, especially for those unable to perform physical exercise.

Women seemed to benefit more in lowering their blood pressure with a good laugh than men and frequent belly laughs empty your lungs, resulting in a cleansing effect similar to deep breathing. You can find the study at http://www.holisticonline.com/Humor_Therapy/humor_therapy_benefits.htm

So find a sitcom you enjoy or rent a funny movie and get exercising! And remember, that if you are under stress, your communication style may change. What can you do?  Be mindful of the words you use and think before you speak. You can never regret something you did not say.