Finally I decided that I was constantly being distracted by “The Book.” It was like a virus, slowing me down because it was occupying a larger and larger part of my mind. I couldn’t get rid of it. So in June I put away most other things and devoted time to see it to completion. What a relief to finally put to paper what was circling in my head.

I hired one of my favourite editors to help me out and together we have created a product I’m proud of. Now the difficult process of finding a publisher begins. If I had continued to ignore the negative self-talk of “I should” or “I wish” I think my productive time would continue in a downward spiral. Now that I have that job completed, I am ready to tackle the next challenge.

How did I do it? Simple. I said to myself “If not now, then when?” Each Monday I wrote goals for the week. I make sure they are attainable and have a time limit. I even add in a time for relaxation which I never used to do. While I’m not always successful in completing what I set, at least I have goals and writing them down helps to keep me focused. When something new appears, I am better able to make a decision as to what I tackle and what I can add to next week’s sheet.

Is something occupying valuable space in your mind? Instead of stewing about it, and saying nasty things to yourself, make a plan right now. Yes right now! Say “If not now, then when?” and get to work. Ask yourself, What can you do about it? How? When? And get at it! It worked for me.

What projects do you have to complete? Let me know how you are doing.

I know when people are uncomfortable and don’t know what to say, later they have enormous guilt. First of all  death is part of the life journey and you are going to have to face it over and over, the longer you live. To hide from it, only makes you feel worse and your friend feels abandoned.

There are two excellent books, written by Canadian authors to help you.  Final Journeys by Maggie Callanon, a hospice nurse, gives help for the person dying as well as caregivers, family and friends.  The other book is called Final Gifts and is by Maggie Callanon and Patricia Kelley.

Both books are filled with practical advice that will help you whether you have just learned someone is going to die or you are still experiencing grief because someone has already left you. The information is not sugar-coated, it is real and written in a caring, compassionate way.

You might think such books will make you feel worse if you are just going through or been through a death. I certainly did not find this to be true. Instead I felt comforted, some questions I had were answered and I felt better equipped to handle my emotions as well as those around me.

If you feel like you need or will need some support in your communication when you learn someone is terminally ill or has passed away, these two books will help you. Both books tell true stories and are packed with tips on what to do and say so you never again will abandon a friend in need.

I highly recommend both books.

This is a practical book filled with real-life examples that set out a plan for how you can incorporate ‘nice’ into  your daily life. There are also references to research that illustrate that nice people often finish first.

Nice doesn’t mean being wimpy and they even say ‘nice’ is the toughest four letter word you’ll ever encounter. With only 120 pages, you can read it in one sitting and leave with some practical tips to use right away.

From thinking about your body language to using your power as a listener, The Power of Nice is a must read for every leader and employee.

On your next holiday, tuck this little book into the beach bag. Not taking a holiday? The power of nice must start with you being nice to you!

What great book have you read lately? I’d love to hear.

How do you rid yourself of stress? Physical exercise has always been the answer and now according to Dr. Lee Berk at the University of Loma Linda in California, the body’s response to laughter is similar to the effect of a repetitive exercise.  He found that a belly laugh is equivalent to  “internal jogging” and laughter can provide good cardiac conditioning, especially for those unable to perform physical exercise.

Women seemed to benefit more in lowering their blood pressure with a good laugh than men and frequent belly laughs empty your lungs, resulting in a cleansing effect similar to deep breathing. You can find the study at http://www.holisticonline.com/Humor_Therapy/humor_therapy_benefits.htm

So find a sitcom you enjoy or rent a funny movie and get exercising! And remember, that if you are under stress, your communication style may change. What can you do?  Be mindful of the words you use and think before you speak. You can never regret something you did not say.

Friday I did a half day workshop and tomorrow I am leaving to do two days of presentations in Toronto. I love to do workshops and seminars. Preparation takes time and after it takes me at least one day to re-energize and get ready for whatever is going on next.

In the old days I would have ‘done it all’ most likely at my own expense. Not so today. Saturday I did some work in our yard and went to spend time with our grandsons. Today I made time to go to church. In the old days I would not have taken any ‘me’ time.

Just because ‘you’ve always done it that way’ doesn’t mean it works for you now. Make a quick list of everything you have planned for tomorrow. Is there a way to create some time for reflection, exercise and laughter? What can you do differently and still attain the same results?

I do a 1.5 hour workshop called “Finding Balance in Off-Balance” times – over the past year I have begun to incorporate the 7 step program into my daily life. It is making a positive difference.

How do you find balance? I’d love to hear.

Are you asking too much of yourself? Where is your time being spent?

The value of any work week is based on two things:

1. what we accomplished
2. what we have learned

The first question to ask yourself is “What goals did I accomplish and what ones need more time? Why didn’t specific goals get accomplished? Was I realistic in my goal setting? What have I learned?”

Once you have answered those questions plan out your next week, keeping in mind your professional and personal priorities. Devise a visual method that works for you.

Personally I use a “Things to do list” that has professional and personal goals for the day. When something isn’t accomplished one day I add it to the next day’s list. This has helped me in two ways:

1. I set realistic expectations for myself because I try to jot down estimated time each item will take. I include some stress-reduction type activities. For me that is chatting with a friend, going for a walk, baking, preparing a meal or visiting a library or bookstore.
2. As soon as I think of something to do, I jot it down so it doesn’t keep circling in my head. Once I see my list getting too long for one day I start a sheet for the next. Sometimes I have to juggles items from one day to the next.

Once I trained myself to check my email only twice a day and return phone calls once or twice a day, I had more time for other items. Two other strategies I consciously started were:

1. To turn off my computer at 6 p.m. each night.
2. To only watch 1 hour of TV a day.

All of a sudden I had much more time and I began to sleep better. When I travel to do workshops I now plan for the day-after to be a shortened day where I do ‘mindless tasks’ like filing or sorting or even just some professional reading because my energy is depleted from delivering the workshop. I try to set realistic expectations for myself.

By asking “what have I learned?” when I’m not successful in completing my goals make a huge difference to the way I talk to myself. Sometimes I fall off the wagon and am up completing a project until the wee hours of the next morning or I watch TV all night. Exceptions happen; they are just no longer my norm. What I consciously try to do is build high fences around personal time and strive to balance work and home.

What do you do to find balance in your life? What methods work for you?

When I catch myself worrying about something I replace the word worry with wonder. I say to myself  “I wonder about…” instead of “I worry about.” I want to eliminate the word “worry” from my self-talk vocabulary.

What I find this does is to refocus me into an action-type scenario instead of being stuck with a worry looping over and over in my head.  Now when a wonder  pops into my head,  I ask myself “can I do anything about this?” or “can it or will it change?” and if my answer is no I will say to myself “get out of my head” and the focus on and enjoy what is happening at that exact moment.

It is funny what a difference one word can make. I think I am much more efficient with my time and my outlook seems brighter.

What are your techniques for handling worry?

At first the ‘foster’ relationship is informal however as time progresses each family member’s life is enriched because of their interaction with Michael. Michael had endured so much as a child and yet remained kind and focused. How? His mother, who was a drug addict,  had told him to shut his eyes and not see the bad stuff and know that every day, from that moment on would be better, and to not ever to look back.

I think that is good advice for us all.  If we focus on what we cannot change and stew in our past -we will never move forward. While past experience can help us make wise decisions, if it becomes our focus, we become stuck. Michael chose to look forward. Do you?

When was the last time you did something kind for someone else? Most of us won’t do something as grand as what is portrayed in this film however little things can make a huge difference.  An article in The Calgary Herald titled “Acts of Kindness Build Office Morale” talks about the fact that the younger generation really care about corporate social responsibility (CSR)  and will often choose a job for it’s CSR policies and green policies over ones which offer more income.

Most companies I talk to want to attract young employees, so looking at the CSR policies would be a good place to begin. I have seen companies who say they are corporately socially responsible and yet they put unreal expectations on employees and allow bullying by supervisors. If you do not walk the talk, the young workers will not put down their heads and ignore it or try harder, they will call you on it and if nothing changes, they leave.

To build trust and loyalty, companies must move to an integrated strategy approach for CSR which will ultimately have a positive effect on the bottom line. It begins with you. What message do you communicate both verbally and through your actions? When was the last time you focused on the future and what you can do?

A good first step would be to get rid of the words ’should have’ or ‘can’t because’ and say ‘from now on’ or ‘yes, right after.’ If you think you are dealing with lots of difficult people, sometimes the first place you look for change is within. It can a huge difference and one that you can actually control.

Does your boss expect you to accomplish enormous amounts of work in an incredibly short time? Often slave drivers are overworked themselves so are they begin to dump their work to you.

What can you do?

1. Do not immediately commit to any task when she gives you ‘the newest job.’ Say “Let me check my ‘to do’ list and I will get back to you  – later today, in 15 minutes, tomorrow. “
2. Make a list of all the jobs you have already committed to, along with an estimate of how much time it will take to complete each one.
3. In a positive, helpful manner, approach your boss and show her the list and then ask for her help in prioritizing your tasks. She may say “I want them all done!” and you can say “I wish I could, now which is your top priority?” and then shut up. Let her decide and, as author Susan Scott says, “Let silence do the heavy lifting.” You may hear some grumbling and sputtering however the responsibility is where it belongs – with your boss-  so you can wait. Be pleasant and firm.
4. Once a decision has been made as to where your time is to be spent, thank your boss and leave.
5. Document what your new priorities are and email it back to your boss. Then you will be assured you both have the same expectations.

Rather than getting angry or upset, you will be educating your ‘Simon Legree.’  If you don’t tell your boss what is on your ‘to do’ list and what you are thinking, you can’t expect her to understand. It’s your responsibility.

My coaching client said his boss was initially shocked when he put up some ground rules. He said that at first he had to really plan out what he would say and then to try to keep his emotions out of it. His voice remained dead calm. Now, for the most part, his boss does not just dump things onto him, she will ask what his schedule is like.

Have you ever worked for a Simon Legree? What worked for you?