Joan Craven's Blog

Choosing an Independent Living Community That Fits You

We have a few friends who decided to move into Independent Living before a health crisis made it necessary. The main reasons were that they didn’t want to burden their prospective caregivers and they wanted to be in control of the facility where they ended up. 

For the most part they are happy with their decision. Like any communal living arrangement there are some annoyances – yet they are relieved to have given up some of the responsibilities that come with owning a home.

Most had toured many places and identified one that suited their specific needs. Here are a few things they learned:

• Moving into an independent living community is not just a housing decision—it’s a lifestyle decision.

Sometimes people are encouraged to choose a place based on availability or proximity alone. While those matter, the deeper question is: Will this place support the version of myself I want to keep being?

• Independent living communities have personalities, even when they don’t advertise them.

Some are naturally better suited to arts-oriented residents and night owls. These communities may offer:

• Evening lectures, concerts, or film nights
• Discussion groups, book clubs, writing or art studios
• A culture where people linger after dinner, talk late, and value ideas and creativity.

For people who come alive in the evening or who thrive on cultural engagement, these environments feel energizing rather than restrictive.

Other communities are a better fit for early risers and physically active residents, often featuring:

• Morning fitness classes, card groups, walking groups, swimming, or pickleball
• Daytime excursions and volunteer opportunities
• A quieter evening atmosphere that supports early bedtimes

Neither style is “better”—choosing the wrong one can quietly erode satisfaction. Before deciding, visit at different times of day. Pay attention to when people are most active, what they talk about, and whether the pace matches your own.

• One of the greatest benefits—and challenges—of independent living is the built-in social environment. You are surrounded by people, yet meaningful connection doesn’t happen automatically.

A few realities help:

• Everyone is a little nervous at first, even those who seem confident.
• Friendships often grow slowly, through repeated casual contact rather than instant chemistry.
• It’s normal to feel discouraged if connections don’t click immediately.

Practical ways to build relationships include:

• Attending the same activity consistently so faces become familiar
• Sitting with different people at meals rather than waiting to be invited
• Volunteering or joining a committee, which gives conversation a purpose
• Allowing yourself to be the one who suggests coffee or a walk

It helps to remember that many residents are grieving losses of their own—partners, health, independence—and may be guarded at first. Patience and kindness matter.

• How to stay involved when your health deteriorates?

One of the hardest transitions in later life is learning how to stay engaged as physical or cognitive abilities change. Activity may look different, but purpose does not have to disappear.

Ways to remain active and interested include:

• Shifting from doing to mentoring, advising, or teaching
• Choosing adaptive activities—chair yoga, water exercise, audiobooks, discussion groups
• Breaking days into smaller, manageable goals rather than full schedules
• Focusing on what still brings pleasure, even in shorter doses

It’s also important to grieve what is lost. Pretending limitations don’t exist can lead to frustration and exhaustion. Adjusting expectations is not giving up—it’s adapting.

• Facing the Emotional Weight of Aging

Depression around aging is not a personal failure; it is often a rational response to change, loss, and uncertainty. The key is not to deny it, but to address it honestly.

Helpful approaches include:

• Talking openly with peers who understand the same life stage
• Seeking counselling or support groups, even within the community
• Maintaining routines that anchor the day—morning rituals, favourite walks, regular calls
• Finding meaning in small things: helping another resident, learning something new, enjoying beauty

Most importantly, allow yourself compassion. Aging is not something to “win” or “handle perfectly.” It is something to live through, one day at a time, with as much honesty and dignity as possible.

• Choosing with Eyes Open

The right independent living community doesn’t promise happiness. What it can offer is compatibility—with your rhythms, interests, values, and evolving needs.

Choosing well means asking not only:

• What services do they offer?
  But also:
• Who thrives here?
• What kind of life is being lived, day to day?
• Can I imagine myself belonging—not just residing—here?

When the fit is right, independent living can be a safe,  thoughtful continuation of a life well lived.