Joan Craven's Blog

You don’t think of yourself as “old”. Not really. Maybe a little slower getting up, maybe a few more appointments in the calendar – but in your mind, you’re still the same person who could do it all. Until something shifts. A fall. A diagnosis. A moment that quietly but unmistakably says: things are changing.

A lot of baby boomers face the loss of mobility, vision, hearing and/or independence.Sometimes it’s not even just about us, but a partner dealing with a chronic illness. It can really change what day-to-day life looks like, and how we find meaning in it.

In the winter we live in a community that’s mostly seniors. We laugh and cry together and because we are in motorhomes or trailers we’re always out and about. There’s a real sense of shared experiences here.

What stands out for me is how people keep adjusting and pivoting. No one pretends it’s easy. We’ll say it out loud -“this is hard” or “this is unfair” – and then, somehow, we keep going.

I see it all the time. Tennis players who can’t quite play the way they used to, switch to pickle ball. When that doesn’t feel right they volunteer around the courts. There’s always a next step, even if it looks different than before.

After my fall I had to give up golf, which wasn’t easy. I’ve been trying to focus on what I still can still do – swim, walk, write, play mashing, cards and I’ve gone back to piano. Sure, my mind still wanders over to what I can’t do anymore – I gently make a point of bringing it back.

Big changes feels overwhelming, so I’ve learned to keep things small. Small goals help bring back a sense of control. Because of nerve damage in my thumb and three fingers , even things like typing or playing piano take real concentration. It’s slow and sometimes frustrating. But my hand therapist reminded me that the goal is to retrain my brain – getting my right hand to do what my left hand does. That takes patience.

I”m lucky to have a strong circle of friends. That makes huge difference. Studies prove that isolation fuels depression, so staying connected matters. I try to be open (but not dwell too much), and I have friends who gently point out progress I might miss -like being able to shuffle cards or use my right hand to chop vegetables.

I’ve also noticed that for some people, purpose their purpose shifts over time. When physical abilities change, they find meaning in other ways – mentoring or helping others, being creative expression or volunteering. It’s a different kind of fulfillment, but it”s real.

When looking into this more I came across a few approaches that are often used in rehabilitation psychology:

• Mindfulness or meditation to calm anxious thoughts
• Challenging those “worst case scenario” thoughts
• Focusing on living a valued life even with limitations

Depression can occur after a life-changing event and therapists who specialize in chronic illness disability adjustment can be extremely helpful. Treatment with a patient who is willing to work with a therapist can be extremely helpful.

More than anything, I think it comes down to being kind to yourself as you work through these changes. Think of it as navigating a whitewater raft ride. You are hanging on tight through the rough patches, then find a stretch of calm…until the next set of rapids comes along.

And maybe May West said it best : Aging isn’t for sissies.