Joan Craven's Blog

A good friend recently told me about a Netflix Series called The Pitt. One line from the show stayed with her and now me, was: “We’ve all been young before but none of us have ever been old before.”

The more I thought about it, the more true it seemed.

We’ve all been children, teenagers, young adults, newly married, working and perhaps parents. But aging is different. No one has ever been old before. It’s unchartered territory.

The truth is aging is not a single experience. Every senior faces a unique combination of health concerns, finances, relationships, abilities, and life experiences. What works for one person may not work for another.

That’s why advice from well-meaning friends and family can sometimes feel frustrating. They may expect us to adapt quickly to hearing loss, mobility or memory changes, health issues or loss of friends. Yet these changes often require time, patience, and adjustment

For me, one of the most difficult aspects of aging is the loss or illness of friends. The people who shared our milestones, memories and life experiences may begin to face health challenges, move away, or pass on. Our social circle can gradually shrink leaving us with feelings of sadness, loneliness and uncertainty.

My husband and I had always planned to travel with dear friends once retirement gave us time. Sadly they passed away within three years of each other. It left an emptiness that was difficult to describe.

If you are experiencing grief in your senior years, you are not alone. Grief can come from many kinds of loss. It may be through health of a loved one, the effects of addiction on someone you care about, declining health, reduced mobility, hearing or vision loss, or a diagnosis such as diabetes, a cancer diagnosis or heart failure. Sometimes it’s an emotional/mental loss of watching someone become less engaged with the life they once lived.

Grief is a natural response to loss and deserves to be acknowledged rather than push it aside. At the same time it is important to nurture the relationships that remain. While loss is inevitable, so is the opportunity to strengthen the existing connections and build new ones. The friendships we have cherished never truly disappear -they remain in our memories, our stories, and the lessons they taught us.

I admire friends volunteer, join a club, take classes, connect with faith communities or even learn a new sport. These activities create opportunities for meaningful friendships and renewed purpose.

Most importantly, remember that sadness because of the circumstances is not a problem to solve. It is a reflection of how much someone mattered to you. Grief and gratitude often exist side by side. The pain comes from having had friendships

Although we may slow down physically, our interests, values, sense of humour and desire for independence remain strong. Reminding others of this can help them see the person, not just the age.

Your stories, wisdom and perspective matter. By speaking honestly about aging, you will help bridge the gap between generations. Some of us had the benefit of watching parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles grow older. Others did not. Either way, the journey is different for each of us.

We’ve all been young before. None of us has been old before. Perhaps the best we can do is walk this unfamiliar road together – with understanding, compassion, and a willingness learn from one another along the way.